I've chosen to review two movies I watched on Netflix this past week-or-so. The first is called Vampire Diary and the second is The Decoy Bride. If you have not seen these movies, I suggest you go and watch them before you read my reviews. There will be SPOILERS, I can almost guarantee it. Although if you don't care about movie SPOILERS, go right ahead. I will try not to SPOIL the endings.
Vampire Diary - Review
Vampire Diary was not at all what I was expecting. It was also not a movie I would have watched if I hadn't been so utterly bored. The fact that I stuck through the entire movie is a miracle, given I don't often last five minutes in others like it.
Vampire Diary is one of those artsy "found footage" films. None of the characters in it were particularly interesting. The vampire lore of the movie-universe wasn't explained until about halfway through... or at least it felt like halfway through. It was slow-paced and had me wanting to strangle all of the characters in the first ten minutes, at least.
The entire premise of Vampire Diary hangs on the one vampire of the piece, Vicki, being pregnant and having to drink much more blood than she normally would in order to support the child. I liked that the main human, Holly, freaked out rather realistically upon finding out that Vicki was a vampire. I liked that after the initial freak out, she questioned Vicki quite extensively. I was not happy with what took place after that.
Holly was apparently meant to be Vicki's protector but when she rejects Vicki, Vicki goes almost feral for a good chunk of the movie. Mind you, this was not Holly's fault or decision, it was all on Vicki. So Vicki goes on her killing spree and comes back after Holly finds her... and they proceed to essentially murder both of Holly's friends in order to keep Vicki and her baby alive.
There was a lot of gore here, too. Most of it wasn't really in-your-face kind of gore, but it was there. There was a scene where Vicki essentially kills a guy by sucking him dry... if you know what I mean. It wasn't really graphic, but I could have done without it. As far as I could see, it did not serve the story.
I was not impressed with this movie. I do not recommend watching it. I'd rather watch The Twilight Saga all the way through ten times in a row than watch this.
Now on to the movie I actually liked...
The Decoy Bride - Review
I'm not a gigantic fan of Romantic Comedy. Most of it is contrived. This was... about the same, but managed to hit some nice notes here and there. That David Tennant starred as the leading man did not hurt in the least. But I digress...
The Decoy Bride is set almost entirely on a very small Scottish island called Hegg. Apparently the worst possible thing to be on Hegg is single. The main character, Katie Nic Aoidh, returns home without a husband about the same time a life-long starlet, Lara Tyler, is looking for a very remote place to have her wedding. Of course, hilarity must ensue because Lara Tyler is marrying an author who wrote about, but had never been to, Hegg. Hegg, as it turns out, is not at all what James Arbor had written about.
The Decoy Bride is full of press-dodging, accidental marriage, cross-island treks, and a freaked out personal assistant. The accidental marriage and subsequent escape of the couple make for a rather fun film. I felt for all of the characters and kind of fell in love with the somewhat backward Hegg. Oh! And Lara's personal assistant is played by Michael Urie, who is just amazing.
I think the best part of the movie was James being mistaken for Katie's father by a very old deaf couple. He was so out of his element, but the moment he realized the couple were still so in love was just brilliant. Of course, Katie catching him attempting to play the bagpipes very badly was funny and a bit poignant when she realized what he was doing.
I highly recommend watching The Decoy Bride. It's fun, amusing, and a great way to pass an evening.
Housekeeping
Uhmm... yeah... not exactly sure what I'm going to be doing for you tomorrow, but I'm sure I'll think of something... Gah!
Love ya, Jessie. 
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