The Vampire Diaries - "Monster's Ball" - Review

Intro

Another day, another dent in my review back log. Luckily, we live in this age of not watching stuff when it actually comes out... or so the media says anyway.

SPOILER WARNING

The following review is for The Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 5: "Monster's Ball." If you haven't seen this episode, please watch it before reading this review. I spoil things.

The Vampire Diaries - "Monster's Ball" - Review

Characters:

• Elena Gilbert - Played by Nina Dobrev. Jeremy's older sister. Damon's girlfriend. Doppelganger and Vampire.
• Jeremy Gilbert - Played by Steven R. McQueen. Elena's younger brother. Sees ghosts. Hunter.
• Stefan Salvatore - Played by Paul Wesley. Damon's younger brother. Elena's ex-boyfriend. Vampire. "Shadow-Self" of Silas. Amnesiac.
• Damon Salvatore - Played by Ian Somerhalder. Stefan's older brother. Elena's Sire and boyfriend. Vampire.
• Matt Donovan - Played by Zach Roerig. Works at Mystic Grill. Human. Possessed by a Traveler named Gregor.
• Caroline Forbes - Played by Candice Accola. Vampire. Elena's best friend. Tyler's girlfriend.
• Bonnie Bennett - Played by Kat Graham. Witch. Jeremy's girlfriend. Elena and Caroline's best friend. Deceased.
• Tyler Lockwood - Played by Michael Trevino. Hybrid. Caroline's boyfriend.
• Jesse - Played by Kendrick Sampson.Vampire.
• Dr. Wes Maxfield - Played by Rick Cosnett. Human. Works at the college. Studying the effects of vampirism.
• Silas - Played by Paul Wesley. Original "Stefan" doppelganger. Vampire.
• Nadia Petrova - Played by Olga Fonda. Vampire. Long lost daughter of Katherine.
• Katherine Pierce - Played by Nina Dobrev. Former Vampire. Doppelganger. Walking "Cure." Mother of Nadia.
• Aaron - Played by Shaun Sipos. Human. Some relation of Dr. Maxfield. Former friend of Megan's.
• Qetsiyah/Tessa - Played by Janina Gavankar. Witch. Silas' spurned lover.

Review:

Holy Ridiculous Loopholes, Batman!

My opinions on this episode aren't incredibly enlightening and there's not really a lot to talk about, in my opinion. I will try my best to squeeze something out of my sparse notes, but don't expect a whole lot. This episode wasn't really full of things to discuss.

First thing, the "Silas gets his powers back while Stefan is dead" loophole. I sort of understand how that works, but since Stefan is a vampire and therefore dead to begin with, it sort of falls apart. Also, it's just dumb. Like, why even have a loop hole like that? I suppose it served to get Stefan angrier at Damon and showed Qetsiyah to be less brilliant as a character. The entire concept there was just dumb.

Gonna jump back to the beginning of the episode and Dr. Maxfield. I think it's good that someone's looking into what happens to a new vamp if they don't feed. However, I'm not sure why it's Maxfield or why Jesse seems to be lasting so long without feeding. It's just weird.

Nadia being revealed as Katherine's daughter wasn't much of a revelation, really. It figures it was something like that. Not to mention someone on Hypable's Vampire-Hype Podcast theorized that. I don't care either way, though I do wonder what Nadia's going to do about it.

Damon's plan to bring Bonnie back made me groan. Why can't we just let her stay dead? Yeah, it's taking a toll on Elena, but she seems mostly fine. I don't like that Jeremy's on board with the plan. I don't like that they're prepared to do whatever it takes to get Bonnie back. Bonnie's been a raging bitch for most of the series, damn it!

Lastly, the Tyler situation. Why bring him back at all if he was mostly there to dump Caroline? Nail in coffins, I suppose.

I was not impressed at all by this episode. It was just kind of there. I am interested to see what happens in the aftermath of Silas apparently draining Katherine, but other than that... I'm beginning to not care.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• I kind of like the new Stefan. He's crafty.
• Katherine being motherly all of a sudden is creepy.

Housekeeping

Next up, my review for last week's Reign.

Love ya, Jessie

The Originals - "Sinners and Saints" - Review

Intro

Up to last week in terms of reviews now. Like, exactly a week.

SPOILER WARNING

The following review is for The Originals, Season 1, Episode 5: "Sinners and Saints." If you have not seen the episode, I recommend watching it before reading this review. I will spoil things.

The Originals - "Sinners and Saints" - Review

Characters:

• Elijah Mikaelson - Played by Daniel Gillies. Oldest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Rebekah Mikaelson - Played by Claire Holt. Youngest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Niklaus "Klaus" Mikaelson - Played by Joseph Morgan. Middle surviving Mikaelson. Original Hybrid.
• Marcel Gerard - Played by Charles Michael Davis. Ruler of New Orleans. Klaus' protege. Vampire.
• Davina Claire - Played by Danielle Campbell. Marcel's witch.
• Sophie Deveraux - Played by Daniella Pineda. Leader of the witches.
• Hayley Marshall - Played by Phoebe Tonkin. Werewolf. Carrying Klaus' child.
• Father Kieran - Played by Todd Stashwick. Human. Reverend of the church Davina lives in.
• Jane-Anne Deveraux - Played by Malaya Rivera Drew. Witch. Sophie's older sister. Deceased.
• Bastianna - Played by Shannon Eubanks. Witch. Deceased.
• Sean - Played by Matt Kabus. Human. Cami's twin brother. Father Keiran's nephew. Deceased.
• Monique Deveraux - Played by Yasmine Al-Bustami. Witch. Jane-Anne's daughter. Sophie's niece. Deceased.

Review:

Oh my, the exposition. Also, I got my wish. We got back story on Davina. It really wasn't what I was expecting, but it was cool nonetheless. It was interesting to get the story of what happened in New Orleans between the witches and the vampires from three different points of view. We as the viewers get the whole story, whereas the Mikaelsons and Hayley sort of have to piece it together. Although, it seems Elijah already did that.

I was surprised that the ban on magic was only eight months old. I'd been thinking it had lasted a lot longer, though it explained how Marcel ended up with Davina. Speaking of, Davina is less crazy than I'd thought she would be. I was kind of viewing her as a sort of Claudia from Interview With The Vampire rather than what she actually is. All that power didn't come to her naturally as well, which made me a bit more comfortable with her. I also like that her attachment to Marcel came because he saved her life.

I'm not sure what to think of the ritual or its aftermath. It's clear that Sophie thinks finishing the ritual will bring her niece back to life. It's clear Davina thinks she and the other girls will stay dead. I think the tie to the ancestral magic is an interesting concept. I also don't think the witches will loose their powers, just become incredibly weakened.

I thought the fight between Marcel and Klaus would have been fun to see play out. We got to see Klaus being a brat again for a bit there.

I liked that Elijah was able to connect to Davina more than anyone else. He's rather good at that, as we saw with his connection to Elena Gilbert. I think Elijah might have a thing for Hayley as well. It might even be mutual. I think I might be okay with that.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• Davina is still super creepy. Her blood being really powerful is interesting.
• I'm currently siding with Davina here.
• I like that Rebekah views Hayley as family, even if she doesn't show it in a way that makes sense to Hayley.
• Everyone saying "The Harvest" kept reminding me of Buffy.

Housekeeping

Gonna have to stop the reviews here, I'm afraid. I've got chores to complete and then babysitting my nephew. I might decide to do some more reviewing after Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. tonight, but don't get your hopes up. Ah well, at least I did three.

Love ya, Jessie

The Vampire Diaries - "For Whom the Bell Tolls" - Review

Intro

Alrighty then. I just finished watching this week's episode of Sleepy Hollow and my brain's a little frazzled. that review probably won't be up for a couple days, at least. Today's number of reviews, however, is entirely up to the amount of stuff I have to do/get distracted by.

SPOILER WARNING

The following review is for The Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 4: "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I recommend watching the episode before reading my review because I will spoil things. It's in my nature.

The Vampire Diaries - "For Whom the Bell Tolls" - Review

Characters:

• Elena Gilbert - Played by Nina Dobrev. Jeremy's older sister. Damon's girlfriend. Doppelganger and Vampire.
• Jeremy Gilbert - Played by Steven R. McQueen. Elena's younger brother. Sees ghosts. Hunter.
• Stefan Salvatore - Played by Paul Wesley. Damon's younger brother. Elena's ex-boyfriend. Vampire. "Shadow-Self" of Silas.
• Damon Salvatore - Played by Ian Somerhalder. Stefan's older brother. Elena's Sire and boyfriend. Vampire.
• Matt Donovan - Played by Zach Roerig. Works at Mystic Grill. Human. Possessed by a Traveler named Gregor.
• Caroline Forbes - Played by Candice Accola. Vampire. Elena's best friend. Tyler's girlfriend.
• Bonnie Bennett - Played by Kat Graham. Witch. Jeremy's girlfriend. Elena and Caroline's best friend. Deceased.
• Tyler Lockwood - Played by Michael Trevino. Hybrid. Caroline's boyfriend.
• Jesse - Played by Kendrick Sampson. Human.
• Dr. Wes Maxfield - Played by Rick Cosnett. Human. Works at the college.

Review:

Essentially, this episode was a recap episode. It was a creatively done recap, but it was definitely a recap. I was mostly pleased because Jeremy finally told everyone that Bonnie's dead! Unfortunately, she's not going away so... that kind of soured things for me a bit.

I'd completely forgotten that "Remembrance Day" was a thing. I vaguely remember it happening earlier in the show, but other than that, it served a more plot-based purpose than I would have thought. It was interesting to see Stefan and Elena sort of rehashing their romance, even if that did add more fuel to the Stefan/Elena fire. It was somewhat annoying because I'm soooooo over Stefan/Elena. I'm glad the show found a way to hopefully kill it for good, though so... I guess it was okay.

I really had no interest in the Caroline parts of the episode. I love Caroline, don't get me wrong, but seeing her hanging around with Jesse and getting annoyed at Stefan was rather boring.

I thought the exploration of Stefan's "Ripper" thing was cool. Not sure whether or not his emotion baggage was actually tied to the "Ripper" thing, but it's as good a theory as they come. It was stated at some point that the reason Stefan put the pieces of the people he killed back together was because he was guilty about it so the psychological aspect worked for me.

I was really glad Jeremy finally told people about Bonnie being dead. I cannot express the amount of happy I felt at that. The funeral was... weepy. I cried, but mostly because everyone else was crying and the music was affecting me. I'm glad Bonnie's dead and now all I want from her is to GO AWAY. GAH!

But yeah, not really much else to say about the episode. That's the problem with recap episodes, even well done ones that aren't meant to feel like recaps.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• I liked Matt trying to figure out what was wrong with him in a very human way.
• Being threatened by someone inside your body is never good.
• What's with the knife?
• And look, Tyler showed up randomly.

Favorite Lines:

"You're a vampire, not a caveman." - Damon

"Hey, I never said I know what I'm doing." - Damon

Housekeeping

Slowly creeping closer to getting caught up with these reviews. I'm really sorry these are so late, but if it helps, I'm planning to get them done in the next couple of days... in which time I will also get more behind because I'm working while my shows are on. Drat.

Love ya, Jessie

The Originals - "Girl in New Orleans" - Review

Intro

The second of three reviews I'm posting tonight... or at least planning to post tonight...

SPOILER WARNING

The following review is for The Originals, Season 1, Episode 4: "Girl in New Orleans." If you have not seen it, I recommend doing so before reading this review. I spoil things.

The Originals - "Girl in New Orleans" - Review

Characters:

• Elijah Mikaelson - Played by Daniel Gillies. Oldest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Rebekah Mikaelson - Played by Claire Holt. Youngest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Niklaus "Klaus" Mikaelson - Played by Joseph Morgan. Middle surviving Mikaelson. Original Hybrid.
• Marcel Gerard - Played by Charles Michael Davis. Ruler of New Orleans. Klaus' protege. Vampire.
• Davina Claire - Played by Danielle Campbell. Marcel's witch.
• Sophie Deveraux - Played by Daniella Pineda. Leader of the witches.
• Hayley Marshall - Played by Phoebe Tonkin. Werewolf. Carrying Klaus' child.
• Camille "Cami" O'Connell - Played by Leah Pipes. Bartender. Human.
• Joshua "Josh" Rosza - Played by Steven Krueger. Vampire. A "nightwalker" under Klaus' control.
• Agnes - Played by Karen Kaia Livers. Witch.
• Diego - Played by Eka Darville. Vampire. One of Marcel's "daywalkers."
• Dr. Paige - Played by Andrea Powell. Gynecologist.
• Tim - Played by Shane Coffey. Human. Davina's childhood friend and crush.
• Father Kieran - Played by Todd Stashwick. Human. Reverend of the church Davina lives in.

Review:

It's official, I want Davina's back story. I want to know where she came from and why she's so attached to Marcel. This tiny glimpse into her past muddied the waters, as far as that goes. Also, Davina's naive/pure/creepy routine is driving me a little nuts.

I got kind of attached to Cami this episode. I like that she's so up front with Klaus. I like that she doesn't like what he's doing to her and insists on trying to make him stop. I'm not impressed that Klaus went against he wishes with her memory of her brother. She doesn't need to be entirely devoted to his little spy games. That's dumb.

I'm somewhat confused as to what Rebekah's up to baiting Marcel. This was the second time she's done the really close flirting thing and it's just weird. I understand they have a history, but seriously? What. The. Hell. Rebekah? That said, I'm really glad to see Rebekah honoring Elijah's wishes to protect Hayley.

Speaking of which, Elijah's apparently been invited into Davina's home or else has a lot more self-control than he displayed in Mystic Falls. Or he was the one that stopped Rebekah from entering Davina's home. It's all very confusing. I'm glad Elijah's back, though. He's my favorite Original next to Rebekah and always makes things more interesting.

As for Ms. Hayley, I'm impressed she fended off her attackers for as long as she did. That fight scene was fun. I am somewhat confused, though, as to the identity of "the Wolf." Is Hayley referring to the wolf she transforms into? Is she referring to the wolf that's been "drawn to her." Or do I just read entirely too much fiction where people refer to their "wolves" as such? I suppose time will tell with that.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• Davina is creepy as fuck.
• Agnes is pulling her own shit. That's no good.
• God, Klaus. Really? You really just did that to her? You suck.

Love ya, Jessie

The Originals - "Tangled Up in Blue" - Review

Intro

It's weird not being on my computer at all until well into the afternoon... I did, however, go ahead and spend some of that time reviewing two episodes of The Originals and last week's episode of Arrow. Hopefully I'll be able to get those up before watching Arrow this evening, but I'm not sure...

SPOILER WARNING

The following review is for The Originals, Season 1, Episode 3: "Tangled Up in Blue." If you haven't seen it, I suggest you do before reading my review. I spoil stuff.

The Originals - "Tangled Up in Blue" - Review

Characters:

• Elijah Mikaelson - Played by Daniel Gillies. Oldest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Rebekah Mikaelson - Played by Claire Holt. Youngest of the surviving Mikaelsons. Original Vampire.
• Niklaus "Klaus" Mikaelson - Played by Joseph Morgan. Middle surviving Mikaelson. Original Hybrid.
• Marcel Gerard - Played by Charles Michael Davis. Ruler of New Orleans. Klaus' protege. Vampire.
• Davina Claire - Played by Danielle Campbell. Marcel's witch.
• Sophie Deveraux - Played by Daniella Pineda. Leader of the witches.
• Hayley Marshall - Played by Phoebe Tonkin. Werewolf. Carrying Klaus' child.
• Camille "Cami" O'Connell - Played by Leah Pipes. Bartender. Human.
• Thierry Vanchure - Played by Callard Harris. Vampire. One of Marcel's "daywalkers."
• Joshua "Josh" Rosza - Played by Steven Krueger. Vampire. A "nightwalker" under Klaus' control.
• Katie - Played by Alexandra Metz. Witch. Thierry's grilfriend. Deceased.
• Sabine - Played by Shannon Kane. Witch.
• Agnes - Played by Karen Kaia Livers. Witch.

Review:

The Originals wouldn't be a CW vampire show without some kind of vampire-run party or some kind of complicated plan. Of course we ended up killing two birds with one stone here.

Klaus and Rebekah show a knack for planning and pulling off complicated plans with no one the wiser. It was fun watching them set various parts of their plans in motion. It wasn't so fun finding out that Klaus, yet again, did something that served him and pretty much no one else. Well, I say that, but he did managed to get Marcel to agree to give Elijah back.

I felt absolutely no connection to either Katie or Thierry. Their death/incarceration meant nothing to me. It was kind of cool to Sophie was able to use Katie as a smokescreen, but since Klaus stepped in and put a stop to that, it was really for nothing. Davina's part in saving Marcel was really creepy.

I ended up disliking Marcel a bit more, mostly because he has too many rules for my liking. However, most of my dislike this episode was targeted toward Davina. She confuses me, at best.

I have no theories about Hayley's apparently demonic baby, though I found it weird she could spell what Sabine said perfectly. That's one of those TV things that really bugs me. But yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say about this episode.

Favorite Line:

"I can't believe you disposed of those vampires without me. You know how I love to set things on fire." - Rebekah

Love ya, Jessie

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everybody! Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. I spent part of my day watching Queen of the Damned for the second time ever. I've got a review for you on that. It's also Wednesday, so first up we've got my Arrow Initial Reactions to go through. SPOILERS for both Arrow and Queen of the Damned star not.

Arrow - "An Innocent Man" - Initial Reactions

• Congrats, Diggle, you now know about Green Arrow.
• Show of trust.
• Yay for backfires.
• I cannot express how much I love this house.
• John Barrowman's gonna be in this episode? What? - based on credits I saw very briefly.
• Lil sis knows what she's talking about.
• Cute, Olly.
• Super cute. That's awesome.
• That dress is super short, Joanna. Geez.
• Voice changer? Batman voice?
• Did she take the money?
• Diggle's obviously not just gonna go away. This is a good thing.
• Lol, Diggle.
• Except that didn't go where she just said it went.
• He's pulling Batman's all over the place!
• Lol, tech girl.
• Bludhaven!!!
• Go Laurel!
• I'm not sure how I like Thea's flip-flopping personality. 
• Ouch.
• Well that sucks.
• Well that's not good.
• He's gonna find Olly's hideout.
• Ouch. Geez.
• Gotta hurry, Olly.
• It's like Arkham only... not.
• Prison riots are not so much fun.
• Oh that was interesting.
• Well of course he didn't.
• What's the idea, Mr. Lance?
• Oh, Walter... that's not a good place to be.
• Crappy passwords are crappy.
• Olly's been found out! Oh noes!
• Awww...
• There he is! Mr. John Barrowman everybody!
• And he's back!
• Time for Olly to be arrested.

Queen of the Damned - Movie - Review

      As I said, this was my second viewing of Queen of the Damned. The first time I saw this movie, I liked it. Now that I've seen it a second time, it drags. A lot. The plot was sacrificed to the costumes, music, and horrid special effects.
     I thought Stuart Townsend was a much better Lestat than Tom Cruise. However, he doesn't have a very good voice from narration. Jessie did not come off as someone Lestat would be at all attracted to and yet they walk off into the proverbial sunset together. They had absolutely no chemistry. Also, a lot of Jessie's motivation was lost during the adaptation. I wondered why she was there at all. Certainly the movie's story could have benefited in dropping that storyline all together.
     The "vampire council" seemed really tacked on. Yes, Marius had actual reason for being there but we get no explanation as to who the rest of them are. There's also next to no explanation of Maharet's ties to Jessie or her family. It was like, suddenly: family tree and this family is who you are. Well who the hell are they? I mean, I know because I read Queen of the Damned but it's not explained at all.
     Overall, I think Queen of the Damned suffers from too many plot lines and not enough explanation. Stuff that could have been dropped wasn't and anything that wasn't there but was mentioned made it confusing. As much as this is extremely cliched: the book was a hell of a lot better.

Housekeeping

Tomorrow... is my birthday. I'm having a friend over so I might not get my The Vampire Diaries initial reactions up tomorrow. Anyways... have a wonderful rest of your night or whatever.

Love ya, Jessie.

It's a Vampire Thing

Okay so... I did not even get started on the Hellfire section of 500 Miles today... which you can go ahead and blame on The Vampire Diaries, and my little sister... who's the middle child in our family. She was watching TVD on Netflix yesterday morning and I decided to go ahead and get caught up with the stuff on there instead of watching Stargate: SG-1 or Buffy (which I watch with my other little sister, the youngest). Which then brings me to the topic of this blog post: Vampires.

I love Vampires. I've been in love with vampires since I was in highschool... probably even a bit before. My first real vampire book was Midnight Predator by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. After that, I devoured the rest of Amy's books and moved on to Anne Rice. I read Anne Rice's vamp books in a really odd order: first Queen of the Damned, then The Vampire Lestat, and then Interview With the Vampire... which I never did finish. Next on the list, I think, was this manga series called Vampire Game. And then I got into Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. And then there was Twilight, which I read before Twilight got really popular, before Eclipse came out. After that followed Angel, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Kim Harrison's stuff, Tanya Huff's stuff, and Karen Chance... among others, of course... *cough* The Vampire Diaries. *cough* I've seen the Underworld movies, the Blade movies, the Buffy: The Vampire Slayer movie, and a bunch of others that were honestly horrible. So there's my street-cred for what I'm about to talk about next: Types of Vampires.

Now, a lot of people have gigantic problems with Twilight vampires and the fact that they sparkle. This is not going to be a rant about how vampires should not sparkle. It's not going to be a rant about how awesome Twilight vampires are. It's not going to be anything having to do with bashing of any kind (except perhaps those who are stupid). If you were/are expecting any of these things, I'm going to ask that you leave. Now-ish. This is just me outlining a few similarities and differences between different types of vampires.

Nyeusigrube Vampires
     These vamps are written by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. They were my first official vampires. They do not a)dust, b)die by sunlight, c)usually act like teenagers. These vampires make the most sense to me. They are also only one type of vampire within the universe of Nyeusigrube. there are two types, actually. And I lied, one type does to two of those three things I said they didn't. Those are Solar Vampires and they don't show up in Amy's books, because she finds them uninteresting. The Lunar Vampires show up in most of Amy's books. The first of which, by the way, pretty much starts out stating what bits of mythology are bunk within this universe. Bursting Into Flames In The Sunlight? Nope. Lacking a Reflection? Some of them... depends on how powerful they are. Killed By Staking? The main character of In The Forests Of The Night states:

"If someone hammered a stake through my heart I suppose I would die, but I do not play with humans, stakes, or mallets."

And that whole religious item thing? Bunk. Garlic? Well, their sense of smell is very, very good and garlic has a strong odor so... they don't techincally care.

     Are we seeing why Nyeusigrube vampires make sense now? They truly are the next rung up on the food chain. And they're powerful enough to take over a human mind. Hence, more awesome than your average, run of the mill vampire.

Anne Rice's Vampires

     So... the only way to tell if you've got yourself a vamp, at least at night, is to look at their fingernails? Really? Their fingernails look like glass? Seriously? So do mine with a good clear coat of nail polish. Their skin looks funny under flourescents? So does mine, and I'm human. They're compelled to sleep all day? Gee, that just sounds like a recipie for trouble... what if you can't get anywhere safe? You just collapse randomly? Really? That's crap. Sucks to be you.

     So... other than personality, the Anne Rice vamps don't have much going for them. The books themselves have tons of padding... but I kinda like them. But can someone tell me why Louis is still around? I mean really... he's so close to human it hurts. He might as well be dead. And he whines. All. The. Time. Someone stake him, please.

Buffyverse Vampires

     How to tell you have a vampire: Do they dress like they're not from this time period? Check. Do their faces go all "grr" (to quote Cordelia) when they're about to feed? Check. Do they back away from Crosses? Check. Do they go "poof" when you stake them? Check. Do they start to sizzle and then burn in sunlight? Check. And finally, do they have kick-ass fighting skills right out of the grave? Check. Oh good, you've got a Buffyverse vamp. Oh, and then there's that soulless thing... but how do you check for that?

     Well... not really that much extra to say about these guys. I love Spike, and Angel kind of grows on you. He did better in his own show. Not so much with the mooning over Buffy. Angelus was more fun, but there you are. Harmony... what to say about Harmony? She's delightfully weird and awesome at the same time. And then Drusilla! Oh God, Drusilla. She's the awesome kind of insane that's actually insane. I lied about that "not really that much extra" thing, by the way...

Twilight Saga Vampires

     This is the part where people are proably running away or scoffing. Good, I don't like those people anyway. I do, however, love the Twilight vamps. Not necessarily Edward Cullen, but it's really his family I like. Stephenie is really good at writing secondary characters, I'll give her that. Also, the books are a pretty quick read, which I like.

     How to tell you've got a vampire: Are they super pale? Check. Are their eyes changing color every time you see them? Are those eyes gold or scarlet or black or somewhere inbetween? Check. Do they sparkle in sunlight? Check. Is their skin cold and rock-solid? Check. Looks like you've got a vamp. Good for you. Don't go all fan-girl, it's annoying. Some of them will eat you. Did I mention the Volturi?

     The sparkling dilemma is the main thing that has people laughing at Twilight vamps. This annoys me. Stephenie Meyer has explained why it is that Twilight vamps sparkle somewhere on her website, I can't be bothered to look it up right now. Basically, Twilight vamps sparkle because their cells have crystalized in the venom that now replaces all the fluid in their bodies. The cells reflect/refract/whatever sunlight. Sunlight specifically. No idea why flourescents don't do it, but sunlight is special. It's why other vamps burst into flame. Personally, I like my vamps properly indestructable... or mostly indestructable anyway.

Vampire Kids

     On the whole half-human, half-vampire kid thing... Renesmee is a stupid name. Should have had that as the middle name and Carly as the first name. Also, it's been done before. They're called dhampir (no, I don't know how to spell that). It's from folklore. LOOK IT UP. Stephenie isn't the only author to have done vamps having kids before, either. Laurell K. Hamilton had it happen. Kim Harrison has some weird sort of born/living vampire that becomes a true vampire when it dies... Karen Chance has a whole series based around a dhampir. You're having a heart-attack about it? Look that the "actual science" of it.

     Specifically about Renesmee: Stephenie has stated that Edward's body apparently had some left over semen that got venom-ized or whatever. That's what impregnated Bella Cullen (she was married at that point). Not about Renesmee: Laurell K. Hamilton had this sort-of happen pretty much the same way. Said vamp had left-over semen in his body and was young enough that it hadn't died yet... or something. Anyway, he impregnated his wife. Tada, another technical dhampir.

     Oh, and don't go making small children into vampires. Claudia from Interview With the Vampire and Nikolas from Guilty Pleasures both give me the shivers. And then there are those other two from the Anita Blake novels... I can't remember their names. But their children. And creepy. The Volturi from The Twilight Saga outlawed them for a reason. And now I gotta wonder why so many child vamps are girls... hmm...

And I'm done ranting. I'm not leaving links this time, because I don't feel like looking them up tonight. But seriously, look up some of this stuff, if you're interested. It's all awesome so far as I'm concerned... except Interview With The Vampire, that's annoying and pants. I also just realized I didn't mention Dracula... I don't like Dracula. But you should read it. It's a good grounding in what vamps were originally supposed to be like...

Love ya, Jessie.