Okay so... I did not even get started on the Hellfire section of
500 Miles today... which you can go ahead and blame on
The Vampire Diaries, and my little sister... who's the middle child in our family. She was watching TVD on Netflix yesterday morning and I decided to go ahead and get caught up with the stuff on there instead of watching
Stargate: SG-1 or
Buffy (which I watch with my other little sister, the youngest). Which then brings me to the topic of this blog post: Vampires.
I love Vampires. I've been in love with vampires since I was in highschool... probably even a bit before. My first real vampire book was
Midnight Predator by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. After that, I devoured the rest of Amy's books and moved on to Anne Rice. I read Anne Rice's vamp books in a really odd order: first
Queen of the Damned, then
The Vampire Lestat, and then
Interview With the Vampire... which I never did finish. Next on the list, I think, was this manga series called
Vampire Game. And then I got into Laurell K. Hamilton's
Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. And then there was
Twilight, which I read before
Twilight got really popular, before
Eclipse came out.
After that followed
Angel,
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Kim Harrison's stuff, Tanya Huff's stuff, and Karen Chance... among others, of course... *cough*
The Vampire Diaries. *cough* I've seen the
Underworld movies, the
Blade movies, the
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer movie, and a bunch of others that were honestly horrible. So there's my street-cred for what I'm about to talk about next: Types of Vampires.
Now, a lot of people have gigantic problems with
Twilight vampires and the fact that they sparkle. This is not going to be a rant about how vampires should not sparkle. It's not going to be a rant about how awesome
Twilight vampires are. It's not going to be anything having to do with bashing of any kind (except perhaps those who are stupid). If you were/are expecting any of these things, I'm going to ask that you leave. Now-ish. This is just me outlining a few similarities and differences between different types of vampires.
Nyeusigrube Vampires
These vamps are written by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. They were my first official vampires. They do not a)dust, b)die by sunlight, c)usually act like teenagers. These vampires make the most sense to me. They are also only one type of vampire within the universe of Nyeusigrube. there are two types, actually. And I lied, one type does to two of those three things I said they didn't. Those are Solar Vampires and they don't show up in Amy's books, because she finds them uninteresting. The Lunar Vampires show up in most of Amy's books. The first of which, by the way, pretty much starts out stating what bits of mythology are bunk within this universe. Bursting Into Flames In The Sunlight? Nope. Lacking a Reflection? Some of them... depends on how powerful they are. Killed By Staking? The main character of
In The Forests Of The Night states:
"If someone hammered a stake through my heart I suppose I would die, but I do not play with humans, stakes, or mallets."
And that whole religious item thing? Bunk. Garlic? Well, their sense of smell is very, very good and garlic has a strong odor so... they don't techincally care.
Are we seeing why Nyeusigrube vampires make sense now? They truly are the next rung up on the food chain. And they're powerful enough to take over a human mind. Hence, more awesome than your average, run of the mill vampire.
Anne Rice's Vampires
So... the only way to tell if you've got yourself a vamp, at least at night, is to look at their fingernails? Really? Their fingernails look like glass? Seriously? So do mine with a good clear coat of nail polish. Their skin looks funny under flourescents? So does mine, and I'm human. They're compelled to sleep all day? Gee, that just sounds like a recipie for trouble... what if you can't get anywhere safe? You just collapse randomly? Really? That's crap. Sucks to be you.
So... other than personality, the Anne Rice vamps don't have much going for them. The books themselves have tons of padding... but I kinda like them. But can someone tell me why Louis is still around? I mean really... he's so close to human it hurts. He might as well be dead. And he whines. All. The. Time. Someone stake him, please.
Buffyverse Vampires
How to tell you have a vampire: Do they dress like they're not from this time period? Check. Do their faces go all "grr" (to quote Cordelia) when they're about to feed? Check. Do they back away from Crosses? Check. Do they go "poof" when you stake them? Check. Do they start to sizzle and then burn in sunlight? Check. And finally, do they have kick-ass fighting skills right out of the grave? Check. Oh good, you've got a Buffyverse vamp. Oh, and then there's that soulless thing... but how do you check for that?
Well... not really that much extra to say about these guys. I love Spike, and Angel kind of grows on you. He did better in his own show. Not so much with the mooning over Buffy. Angelus was more fun, but there you are. Harmony... what to say about Harmony? She's delightfully weird and awesome at the same time. And then Drusilla! Oh
God, Drusilla.
She's the awesome kind of insane that's actually insane. I lied about that "not really that much extra" thing, by the way...
Twilight Saga Vampires
This is the part where people are proably running away or scoffing. Good, I don't like those people anyway. I do, however, love the Twilight vamps. Not necessarily Edward Cullen, but it's really his family I like. Stephenie is really good at writing secondary characters, I'll give her that. Also, the books are a pretty quick read, which I like.
How to tell you've got a vampire: Are they super pale? Check. Are their eyes changing color every time you see them? Are those eyes gold or scarlet or black or somewhere inbetween? Check. Do they sparkle in sunlight? Check. Is their skin cold and rock-solid? Check. Looks like you've got a vamp. Good for you. Don't go all fan-girl, it's annoying. Some of them
will eat you.
Did I mention the Volturi?
The sparkling dilemma is the main thing that has people laughing at Twilight vamps. This annoys me. Stephenie Meyer has explained why it is that Twilight vamps sparkle somewhere on her website, I can't be bothered to look it up right now. Basically, Twilight vamps sparkle because their cells have crystalized in the venom that now replaces all the fluid in their bodies. The cells reflect/refract/whatever sunlight. Sunlight specifically. No idea why flourescents don't do it, but sunlight is special. It's why other vamps burst into flame. Personally, I like my vamps properly indestructable... or mostly indestructable anyway.
Vampire Kids
On the whole half-human, half-vampire kid thing... Renesmee is a stupid name. Should have had that as the middle name and Carly as the first name. Also, it's been done before. They're called dhampir (no, I don't know how to spell that). It's from folklore. LOOK IT UP.
Stephenie isn't the only author to have done vamps having kids before, either. Laurell K. Hamilton had it happen. Kim Harrison has some weird sort of born/living vampire that becomes a true vampire when it dies... Karen Chance has a whole series based around a dhampir. You're having a heart-attack about it? Look that the "actual science" of it.
Specifically about Renesmee: Stephenie has stated that Edward's body apparently had some left over semen that got venom-ized or whatever. That's what impregnated Bella Cullen (she was married at that point). Not about Renesmee: Laurell K. Hamilton had this sort-of happen pretty much the same way. Said vamp had left-over semen in his body and was young enough that it hadn't died yet... or something. Anyway, he impregnated his wife. Tada, another technical dhampir.
Oh, and don't go making small children into vampires. Claudia from Interview With the Vampire and Nikolas from Guilty Pleasures both give me the shivers. And then there are those other two from the Anita Blake novels... I can't remember their names. But their children. And creepy. The Volturi from The Twilight Saga outlawed them for a reason. And now I gotta wonder why so many child vamps are girls... hmm...
And I'm done ranting. I'm not leaving links this time, because I don't feel like looking them up tonight. But seriously, look up some of this stuff, if you're interested. It's all awesome so far as I'm concerned... except Interview With The Vampire, that's annoying and pants. I also just realized I didn't mention Dracula... I don't like Dracula. But you should read it. It's a good grounding in what vamps were originally supposed to be like...
Love ya, Jessie.